So I've gone and ruined another relationship.
Well, I shouldn't put all of the blame on myself. My friend had quite a bit to do with the decay of the relationship, but its just easier to blame me. Plus, only one side of the story gets to be represented here. Whatever. I try to be fair in my dealing with people, but sometimes I think that is part of the problem. I don't think about my own needs. I put everyone else on a higher level than myself. Their needs, their grievances are always more important than mine. My problems and heartaches are just the result of a weak and over-active mind. Perhaps that's not the case (read its a good bet), but you'll have one heck of a time convincing the rest of me of that. Just ask my therapist. (She can't legally answer you, but the answer would be affirmative.)
I have a long history of sabotaging my relationships. It appears that I can't just have friends; I have to either love them or hate them, and when I can't love them, I must drive them away.
Maybe I need to stop trying to be a good friend. Maybe I need to stop trying to find love. Maybe I just need to chalk it up to another bad roll of the dice and move on. Oh, how I wish it were that easy.
Monica, Katie and Mari, I'm sorry.
